I feel strange sometimes.
Everything feels sort of unreal nowadays.
It's a blur of school and studying and this and that.
Sometimes I forget about my anxiety and sometimes I remember.
Sometimes it's fun and sometimes its a headache.
And sometimes I just have a headache.
Either way when I wake up in the morning, it takes me a while to remember what I was doing.
What I wanted to do.
Why I wanted to do it.
I like dreaming.
I have really nice, movie-like dreams.
Sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're intense.
And sometimes they're about Melissa and JH.
But they're always very vivid and very nice.
And occasionally, they're little messages from my subconscious.
The other day I had a funny sort of dream.
I was in English and I had a fight with my teacher and I was sick of it and I was anxious and I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
So my friends and I went and sat on the lime green couches in my guidance counselor's office.
She was sitting across from us and about to say something when my art teacher came really out of nowhere and sat next to her.
My art teacher laughed and complained about something before looking at me and saying something along the lines of:
"You know, I remember when I was your age. I used to come in here in the same position as you. I didn't know what to do, and I was really confused and indecisive about my future. But you know, I just kept doing the things I liked until one day I realized what I wanted and I started working really hard at it. And eventually it worked out for me, even though there were a few roadblocks along the way. So just keep doing what makes you happy and the answer will come to you. It may not be easy and it may not be the best thing, but really it's okay. Everything will work itself out. You'll be okay."
"You'll be okay." When she said that I looked squarely into her nice blue eyes and realized I wasn't talking to her anymore. I had never been talking to her.
I was talking to me.
I woke up curled up against the heater and feeling strange.
But it was okay.
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