I was re-reading some of my entries and thinking, what a strange year it's been.

Junior year. That crazy mixed-up scary sort of year.

Where you actually start having responsibilities.

I was so anxious all the time. I still am.

But you know, I had a sudden epiphany when (of course) reading a comic.

I do that every once in a while to escape all the shit that's going down in my life.

Especially when I'm locked in the house "studying for my SATs".

But I digress.

So the comic was one of those cute love story things only they're in like elementary/middle school.

So it's like doubly adorable puppy love.

And the main character is, to put it simply, insane.

She gets all this shit thrown her way but she just laughs everything off.

And something about her mad desire to make the best of every situation struck me.

"Smile in the wake of adversity."

Right?

I sat on my bed in the dark, eating ice-cream at one in the morning, thinking about a lot of things.

Reminiscing, I guess.

I thought about summer.

And that weird time I couldn't eat or sleep because of that stupid thing.

And that weird time at the beginning of the year when everyone had problems so nobody could help each other and everything got worse.

But, hey, we got over that.

So positive, positive.

I tell myself this everyday.

I HAVE TO BE POSITIVE, DAMN IT.

Or else, everything is gonna suck. No escaping it.

Happiness is what you make it.

So make it.

So now, despite being stuck in my house doing SAT,  I'm going to be happy.

Because hey, after doing this, maybe I'll have some kickass scores.

That would be great, wouldn't it?

And if I study hard today, maybe they'll let me out tomorrow.

So, I'm going to be happy and I'm going to be focused.

Make the most of what I have.

Yay, it's a happy entry.

On another note, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is actually my diary.

And it's on the internet.

This is probably a bad idea.

But I guess it's okay because only a few people read it.

And I guess it's okay with me if they know my "innermost thoughts" or whatever.

Maybe. I don't know.

....

Oh, whatever.

My head hurts.

It hurts so bad I want to die.

I really want to die. Please.

It always hurts.

Nearly everyday since I was a kid.

And I'm so done with it.

It gets in the way of my life.

I really want it to stop.

I feel nauseous and sick and I can't function and I can't think.

The painkillers never work, even though I take so many.

I just want it to stop.